Oh hey - remember me?
Yeah - I'm back.
Contrary to popular belief, I didn't die from choking on a ham sandwich, nor was I bed bound due to a fat induced coma.
I just simply let life get in the way......of pretty much everything.
I'm hoping that for all the blatant diet ignoring I've done over the last month and a half that I at least get the 2 A's for which I have worked so hard - but only time will tell. I think I still have about a week before grades are posted so here I am, waiting with baited breath......
I cannot believe how quickly time is flying by. (It seems like I am constantly saying this and frankly, it's annoying). Tomorrow marks 10 months until the wedding and I have the same amount of stuff to do that I did 2 months ago because basically once school kicked in this past semester, I kissed wedding planning good bye to concentrate on my classes. Now I am in a state of panic and "Holy F***ing Shit" has become my go to phrase every time I think about all of the wedding things I have to accomplish in the next month while I am on school break. Josh may be starting to wonder when the hell I developed tourrets.
Never mind the fact that Christmas is nipping like a rabid chihuahua at my heels and I have yet to begin my shopping. This is partly due to the fact that I first need to rob a bank in order to actually have the cash to purchase any gifts and I don't quite have my master plan all figured out yet for that little adventure. If I don't think of a plan soon, my friends and family will soon come to know the true meaning of Christmas - unemployed style. (cue Dolly Parton's song Hard Candy Christmas here....)
There's something to be said for handmade paper Christmas ornaments and popcorn balls, right?
The past couple of months have literally flown by.....wasn't it just yesterday that Josh was hanging cobwebs from every corner of our house and the most pressing question was: What kind of Halloween candy could I steal from the bowl next?
Then, like a flash, turkey and stuffing and pumpkin pie was coming at me like a freight train and all I could do was just close my eyes and open my mouth, take it all in and enjoy the moment - although I knew my ass & waistline were the things taking the hardest hit. Those damn taste buds never get any bigger.
Keep in mind, I was allegedly on a no refined carb, no grain diet during the time this holiday carnage was going on. So - How do you think I did?
I actually went to the metabolic doc before Thanksgiving - November 16 to be exact - 6 weeks after my visit with the $500.00 skinny as a rail nutritionist (thankfully my insurance covered all but $140.00 of her informationally unrevealing visit). Perhaps if I had stayed on the diabetic diet I was told to adhere to, I may have seen some decent results by then but let's cut the shit - we all know I didn't - so by the time I met with the real doctor, I had GAINED a pound and he was none to happy with my teary pathetic story as to why I wasn't digging riding the no carb highway and why I thought it wasn't working for me.
Let's just say, bed side manor was not this guy's strong suit.
I was told in no uncertain terms that I have a bad relationship with food and until I stop viewing food as pleasurable or for entertainment purposes, I will never change. Ouch.
Oh - and the blood tests?
They revealed little else but the fact that I am indeed a lazy ass....and also that cake is not my friend. Hey - at least now I know for sure.
So, what's a girl that was banking on blood tests to explain an insulin resistance or at least some other thyroid issue to blame her weight on to do?
Well, apparently her loving fiance thinks you drive across the state of Pennsylvania to Columbus, OH to buy an elliptical trainer off of E-bay. Yes - we really did that. And I love it! It's the best indoor calorie burn you can get and it's the type of exercise I actually enjoy....much less boring than the treadmill and since it's located in my dressing room, I can't avoid it....or the constant hounding from Josh asking me if I "worked out yet today???????????"
Does this mean I am back on plan?
Wellllllllllll, let's not get ahead of ourselves. I do have the last leg of the Triple Threat Holi-daze to get through BUT as long as pumpkin rolls and peanut butter cookies don't fall from the sky and I keep plenty of (uh, yum?) lettuce & other various salad accoutrements handy, I should be able to maintain some sort of control.
Until I get to New Year's I am allowing myself weekends for holiday baking and other merry making. Christmas is practically my middle name and I refuse to allow my holiday refreshments to be designated to only carrot sticks (I'll donate mine to the reindeer) and ice water (wine is made from fruit and therefore healthy). After all, tis the season to be jolly - and who the hell associates being skinny with being jolly anyway? Exactly.
So while I may not be pleased that my belly, not unlike Santa's, shakes when I laugh like a bowl full of jelly, I'm not getting too down on myself.
A new year is right around the corner and I'm feeling quite optimistic. I know it seems like I may have given up but trust me when I say I haven't. It's true I have taken a giant (ok, GARGANTUAN) tumble backwards - I haven't even been on the scale in weeks - but there is a plan simmering on the back burner, I promise.
But for right now, I have Ella Fitzgerald belting out some holiday tunes on my stereo and the house looks like the North Pole - if the North Pole were situated in the middle of Tornado Alley - so suffice it to say I have my work cut out for me today to get this place looking festive and bright. And I will do all that I can to forget about the pumpkin roll residing my fridge.....but do more to remind myself of the belly roll I no longer want residing on my waist.
