Want to know a sure fire way to get a bride to shit herself in the middle of a Michael's craft store?
Put out Halloween items in early August to remind her just how fast her October wedding (which is weeks BEFORE Halloween) is approaching.
If I was smart, rich, and had the good sense to hire a day of coordinator in the early stages of my planning, perhaps I wouldn't have had the spaz attack I had right there in aisle 13, as I perused, for what must be the umpteenth time, the glass section in search for the perfect centerpiece container. Guess what? The perfect glass centerpiece container apparently does not exist at Michael's - or anywhere else local that would save me a fortune in shipping costs. But this is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to wedding planning inconveniences I have been enduring as of late.
In fact, the Halloween scare was just the grande finale to what has been a whirlwind 2 1/2 months or so since I have written last......this should give a clear indication as to how bat-shit crazy busy I have been since my class ended June 30th.
I have since discovered quite a few other ways that the stresses of wedding planning can cause a bride to soil herself. For starters? Have her find out her apparently unstable friend who is also a hair stylist (and dates and even more unstable guy) needs to cancel her services she promised to provide on the wedding day. Note: It is suspected the cancellation occurred because of said jackass guy, hence leaving the frazzled bride (who incidentally has the world's worst hair and could really use some major help that day) to scramble last minute for a new stylist in a town where she knows no one.
Another crap yourself bridal moment can occur when, for months, the bride has been diligently watching the calendar at her reception venue to ensure no one books the Friday before her wedding. This way, she and her wedding party can happily decorate the venue on Thursday in a STRESS-FREE, NO RUSH manner so that Friday and Saturday are left for things such as manis, pedis, cocktails, marriage and merriment.....But then at exactly 3 months out, some BIOTCH BRIDE books the venue for a wedding. Are you freaking kidding me???? While I can perhaps sympathize that she is having a shot gun wedding (because seriously why on God's green Earth would anyone, or COULD anyone for that matter, plan a wedding in 3 months. It took me 22 months...I'm just sayin'.....), this by far, screwed (and I am talking "drop the soap in prison" type screwed here) with my wedding weekend plan the most. This will never be more apparent than on the Friday night of my rehearsal dinner when I am still decorating, bleary-eyed and no doubt, in full Bridezilla mode, at 2 AM.
Hope that pregnant bride is happy.
And last but certainly not least, yet another fun way to make a bride have a mudslide in her delicates is to have her photographer not show up on the day her engagement session is scheduled, instilling ZERO confidence in him showing up on the actual day of the wedding. The fact that he profusely apologized and swore he had never ever ever missed a photography session in all of his years as a photographer did nothing to assuage my feelings of being the red-headed stepchild who is obviously so insignificant to him that I became the ONLY person he's ever dissed. Not to mention the light was gorgeous that night and, miracle of miracles, I was actually having a good hair day. Just to put it in perspective for you, this happens about as frequently as a sighting of Haley's Comet. The temperature was absolutely perfect and I was at the time, still feeling really great about picking Sam as our photographer.
However that all changed when the night we actually did end up rescheduling, it was humid as hell, I was sweating so profusely my hair was sticking to my face, and to top off the night some freakish flying bug swarm came upon us like the plague of the locusts. And for anyone who knows me well, that is probably the BEST way to get this bride to shit herself - Hands. Down.
So much has happened over these past months, in fact, that it is impossible to blog about it all in details so those are just the highlights.
To add to my insanity, my DIY list continues to grow. I seriously think I need to be committed.
My weight loss has completely stalled, as I hover today around 201.....my beach vacation did quite the number on me - and by number I mean 6.....as in 6 lbs. Back to the grind today.....I burned 440 calries on my elliptical today.....just need to keep with it.
School also starts today which has been known to throw me off the horse at times, but I am hoping to keep it together for at least the next 6 weeks. I think I can manage.....
So, until the next time I find a free hour or so.......
