Sometimes I get so distra.....uh... what was I saying?

I'm horribly distracted....

I have a million and one things I need to be doing.....I'm starting to get a bit panicky.

The list keeps growing and I'm being buried alive under a pile of virtual to dos that include projects related to the wedding, school, moving, house, beach and whatever else is swimming around in my head these days. I have a SHIT TON to do. Unfortunately, blogging isn't high on the priority list right now. Oddly enough, here I am. Hello avoidance, I've been expecting you.

School is the main focus (a-hem, correction -  should be the main focus) right now. There's quite a few projects, their due dates looming in the dangerously near future, that I just can't seem to sit down and finish. It's irritating and frustrating but I seem to have lost all focus and it's a bitch trying to find it again.

This is no doubt my self diagnosed adult ADD kicking in - I start one thing with complete gusto then about half way through go onto something else and have zero desire to finish the other project I've started....

If that doesn't reek of a dysfunctional disorder of some sort, I don't know what does.

I realize I'll be cursing myself next week if I don't get at least part way through the list (between today and tomorrow), but I suspect that's just par for the course. Bust out the Cuss Jar, people - I've got cash money!

Josh and I are (yey!!) beach bound this weekend so that also severely cuts into my school work time, although let's face it, with 74 degree weather approaching, I doubt I'd get much done here anyway. Spring has definitely sprung and I am eager to end this semester and bust a move on some wedding projects I have been putting off. Today the goal is to finish the save the dates for my cousins and get them in the mail.

Wish me luck.

On the surface, that project may seem relatively undaunting. However it requires a trip to Staples which requires me to shower, which requires me to work out first ....so you can see how this is all going to go down today, can't you?

The good news is, I've already walked my 4 plus miles this morning, so I suppose if I moved the Total Gym and Bose Ball workout to later it wouldn't kill me. The problem is that if I wait - I know it won't get done. I'm getting comfortable with getting up to tackle the morning walks without bitching up a storm and throwing a hissy fit (it's only taken me about 6 weeks to feel this way - poor, poor Josh) but the other work outs have not become as "habit-y" as the walks, and I can sort of take them or leave them, depending on my mood. More often than not, I choose to leave them. And that's when I see Josh working out....and then I feel horribly guilty.....so then I (begrudgingly) work out. That man is evil......and, let's face it, one smart cookie. He knows the guilt thing is his secret weapon and he is not afraid to use it. This is why I sometimes hide up in my office on days when he's home. :-) Hear no Evil Workout...See No Evil Workout.... Do No Evil Workout. Ya dig?

The weird thing is I honestly have barely worked out the last 3 days but I am down to 211.75 today.....so the scale keeps moving down which means I have apparently awoken the sluggish beast, aka, my metabolism and now have it working, even if I'm not.

It's a tough pill to swallow (and a hell of a lot less tasty that chocolate cake), but I'm trying to wrap my head around the idea that exercise is really good for me and that once I get into it, it will become second nature. I can't discount the fact I am sticking to this and am seeing my hard work pay off. It makes me proud, and yes, it helps keep me on track.

Now if only I could say the same of my home work......

I smell grills....they're multiplyin'...and I'm losin' control....

It's another fabulous Monday morning -  dreary and coldish with a constant threat of rain. In other words, if I was a duck, (much like the ones that set up residence in my neighbor's front yard across the street), I'd be diggin' it. 

Last I checked, no webbed feet here - but one thing is for sure - I am in desperate need of a pedicure. 

Tomorrow's forecast is more of the same, but 10 degrees cooler. Dragging my ass to class tomorrow evening should be interesting. I don't know why, but I always feel like when the weather is bad, we should be able to stay home. Yes, I'm 38 years old but that doesn't mean I have stopped looking for a reason to skip class.

The good news is, the weekend's forecast is calling for sunny and warm weather, which is a good thing since Josh and I will be at the beach making some oh so important (gag) floral decisions and hopefully meeting with our crazy cake lady (who still has yet to deposit my $100 check, despite her receiving it in January). If possible, Josh and I also want to get our freebie beach portrait done with the dogs, compliments of Josh's dad who won a gift certificate for a session last year and passed it along to us. I'd love to be a little thinner for this photo shoot but you know what, you can't have everything?

Overall, I have been doing quite well on this WW "journey" - down to 213.25 lb today, even with the onslaught of my hellacious period (here for the freaking SECOND time this month, thank you!) so I at least know that even the Slim a Bear Klondikes I have been eating with utter delight on a nightly basis aren't keeping me from weight loss.

That, ladies and gentleman, is what you call encouragement!

Josh has been dubbed the Weight Watchers Nazi - although he's really not following the WW plan as they would recommend. Meaning he eats significantly less points than I do per day (my allotment is 25) and his exercise habits are on par with a contestant on the Biggest Loser right before a weigh in. For instance, yesterday while I whined and complained of cramps and begged and pleaded to not have to go on our morning walk, he simply kissed me on cheek, said "See ya later" and proceeded to walk 9 miles with the dogs, sans Ro Ro. He does it without me....without complaint, without prodding......

9 freaking miles - without an iPod, mind you. Who does that????

The man who has lost over 32 pounds in 5 weeks, that's who. It is quite remarkable actually.

I'm beyond proud of him but I do wish he'd relax a little when it comes to food. I mean, how much vinegar can one person consume?

Unfortunately, I think he is getting zero enjoyment out of this diet. And while I get that the concepts of dieting and fun don't normally go hand in hand, I do think giving yourself a break every now and again and having a 3 point Klondike bar makes this whole process a little more like living real life.......and it keeps a person sane. He has charts and tallies and all of this stuff that monitors his exercise compared to his weight loss and it's really impressive but I also think its making him a bit neurotic. I'm watching closely for signs of Manorexia.....

The thing I have learned about him in the past 2 years is that he is an all or nothing type of guy.....he can't slip even a little because then he feels like it's all over. I just worry that when he starts to eat normally again, he won't be able to control himself and bad habits will creep back in. I truly feel that by doing it my way (and having the occasional treat), I am getting a grip on my eating, understanding portions and not falling victim to feeling the need to put CHEESE on everything (sadly, salt is another story). Also? I've discovered that life truly does go on without cream cheese and bagels and fried calamari (just a few things I am missing...hard - can you tell?).

One of the big challenges Josh and I have had to overcome has been happening regularly on our nightly walks around the town square.  Make no mistake - it's apparently grilling season in town and the smell of searing meat wafting from people's back yards, hitting full blast into our nostrils is enough to get both of us drooling like a pack of Pavlov's dogs. We normally do a 10 lap walk so imagine what two humans plus 3 actual canines all dripping with saliva look like as we walk past the offending griller's house. TEN TIMES. It's really uncool. 

Ok - go ahead and add beef to the list of things which I am missing hard at the moment.

But, one can't argue with success. Even though I had a small gain last week, I plugged on through. There is a sort of calmness about me during this weight loss attempt that I don't recall experiencing before. Perhaps it's due to finally seeing some results. And I don't just mean on the scale. Before I started this, my knees were begging for mercy and threatening to call it quits. Not anymore - now they feel strong and no longer hurt when I walk - whether it be up the stairs or 5 miles around town. 

In 5 weeks, I've lost a tad over 5% of my body weight, and feel like I am finally seeing glimpses of a healthier me. Now that is something to celebrate. :-)

  

It's working! It's really working!!!!!!

Oh Glorious, glorious Monday!

Why is it that I never said those words when I was a working woman?

Maybe it's the weather today that has me feeling so 'up and at 'em' this morning. Or maybe it's because I feel like for the first time in a loooooooooooooong time my diet attempt is actually WORKING?????

This is big news, folks.

Despite my attack on the WW points system last week, I am doing amazingly well on the plan. I am just shy of losing 8 lbs in just a little over 2 weeks. I'm actually the lowest I have been in what seems like forever and there is no stopping me now. This morning's weigh in revealed 218.75.....yes - in the teens - finally! It seems like this entire past year has been all about going up and down the 220's scale but I have broken that barrier and have no intention of going back.

Of course this is the week Aunt Flo is in town so who knows what havoc she will wreak on my poor body. One never can tell what that biotch will throw my way. Speaking of which, I really need to find the bottle of Aleve because right now, I think Aunt Flo is using my uterus for a punching bag. Told you she was a biotch.

Uterine pain and bloating aside, Josh and I have been consistent about our morning walks.....we've worked up to a little over 3 miles with the dogs - so while we aren't doing a super fast clip, it's still a good distance to go and therefore a good calorie burn. Hey, the soreness in my arse doesn't lie!!

Josh of course is making amazing progress - 15 pounds!!! I cannot compete with this man so I don't even try. We are just there to encourage and cheer on each other and keep each other from the evil magnetic powers of baked goods. We actually bought the WW 1 point cakes yesterday and laughed when we saw how small they are......seriously - it's not even worth the two bites they give you and as soon as I was done chewing, I just wanted to tear into the rest and eat the whole damn box. Oh well - moderation, right?

I did buy some sugar free Klondie bars yesterday that are so worth the 3 points they cost.....

What would I do for a Klondike bar??? Um, just about anything. Yes, they are that good.

Other than that, no new tales to tell. This is spring break week but I still have homework and mucho wedding stuff to take care of. 

Today is Josh and my 2 year dating anniversary.....we might be going to dinner but I think both of us are a little nervous about eating out. We went to Olive Garden with his parents on Saturday before we registered (SOOO much fun!!!) and were smart enough to print the nutritional info out before going there. Can I just say - Oh-My-GOD. No wonder this country is filled with obese people.

Josh and I ordered the only 2 meals at about 300 calories.....and I think even those were underestimated. Most of the meals (even for lunch) were in the 600 calorie - 1000 calories range. Yikes! 

I am just happy I enjoy cooking and have learned how to make healthy things.....I don't know how people can eat out all of the time. Not only is it expensive, but the quality of food just isn't there. 

Anyway - I'll get off my soapbox (for now).

Time to finalize the wedding guest list so my sister and mom can finalize some shower details. They have been driving me nuts!

Points System -You are the Devil!

It's the eve of finishing my second full week on Weight Watchers as well as being the official beginning of my Spring Break from school. Tomorrow is week two weigh in......and I'm nervous.

Will I have a banner week or won't I????

I'm feeling good about having walked at 6:40 this morning for about 50 minutes (it would have been longer but Josh and I had a stupid argument so I walked home early) but as I sit here typing this, something is bothering me. I've had coffee and a cup of yogurt this morning and frankly, I'm a wee bit ravenous. 

Why is it that every time I try to diet, all I can do is think about food? And I don't just think about it - I OBSESS over it. If my thoughts were drifting to plates full of broiled tilapia fish and steamed broccoli I might be Ok, but if I'm being honest, candy bars, cosmos and cherry pie are really what's got me drooling......

This may have all started the other night when I presented this dandy little can of worms conversation starter to Josh:  "So, what food do you miss the most being on this diet?"

His answer was a fast and furious reply of "chocolatecakeandabigglassofmilk" which spewed from his mouth so quickly, I had no doubts that he had been sitting next to me having the same food cravings and fantasies I have been for the last 2 weeks. It's nice to know at least I'm not alone.

Look - dieting blows and there really is no two ways around it. You are NOT going to get skinny eating chocolate cake, that I can assure you. After all, that's pretty much the diet I have been on and off the last 20 odd years and I can safely say that by the looks of my ample ass, it's not working.

The tricky part I'm finding with Weight Watchers is the points tally system. What I once considered the easiest thing about this diet has now become the thing that has completely thrown me for a loop. I just found out I have been, to some extent, doing it all wrong and THAT pisses me off.

Apparently when you create a recipe you have to add all the calories, fat and fiber of each ingredient that you are using in order to calculate the points....so just because you eat a 1 point Boca Burger on a 1 point english muffin, you really have a 3 point sandwich. Say wha---?

I'll be the first person to admit I suck at math but I can add single digits and that crap just doesn't make sense to me. Josh tried to tell me the other night (as I prepared my shrimp pasta dish that went from 6 to 8 points in a flash) that that's how you do it -  but I got all high and Weight Watchers mighty on him by saying (perhaps somewhat condescendingly) I have been on the plan MANY TIMES and doesn't he think I know what the hell I am doing by now???

Uh, apparently not. Sorry, honey. Forgive me???

So, I've now had the rude awakening realizing I've been shoving my face happily with what I THOUGHT were low point meals but am sadly mistaken. This really sucks.

It completely changes my thinking.....

Discovering the recipe builder on WW's online tools was both a blessing and a curse because that's how I figured out the hidden points I wasn't calculating actually need to be factored in. It makes being on this plan all the more challenging.

As Josh fantasizes about missing his chocolate cake, I think I am really missing the alcohol - probably more than I should be. I had a Bud Light after class last night and the beer that I once referred to as 'watered down piss in a can' tasted so heavenly, I realized that dieting like this will really make you lower your standards, as long as it costs you less WW points!

While I really want to say I am enjoying this process, I'm not sure I am comfortable with that phrase just yet. My focus is on my health and of course looking good on my wedding day. I'm sticking to it and know that this process is not going to click overnight....

But in the meantime, I feel good knowing I am at least now correctly informed and can go forward doing the plan the way the Devil, I mean Weight Watchers, intended....