Well, it's another Monday - another day of dread as I approach a week I am very much not looking forward to. My to do list is long already and it's not even 8:00 AM.
So much of my stress comes from disorganization and procrastination (and my innate ability to stretch out projects when I find them especially distasteful) and I often think that these issues can be tied to many of my weight loss issues too. When there is clutter around you, it is less motivating to work out - you feel like the chaos that surrounds you is the weight of the world on your shoulders. It's debilitating at times - just looking at my desk makes me want to scream. There are papers everywhere (right now it's holding the contents of 30 or more research articles I have recently had the displeasure of reading for my least favorite class Research and Methodology).
I cannot wait until May 3 which marks the end of this semester from hell. My first goal is for Josh and I to deconstruct the guest room/office and get it set up as our home gym.
At first I was upset that we were converting this room - that meant we'd only have one guest bedroom available for when people came over. Then I stopped to realize I was stupidly willing to put my exercise and life on hold to accommodate people 3 or 4 times over the course of the year instead of giving myself the gift of a home gym that I could access EVERY day of the year - how ridiculous! Sometimes my thinking is really ass backwards.
So the bed is going in the attic and I am going to clean this place from top to bottom so that I feel like I can breathe again. I have also been thinking seriously about trying my hand at yoga....but let's be clear - I am only in the thinking stage here....but I do think it might help me de-clutter my mind after I have finally de-cluttered this space.
I am pretty freaking jazzed about having a space that is dedicated for the most part to strictly exercise (I'll still have my desk in here).....And I am hoping I embrace it as much as I think I will. I am sure Josh will gently remind me if I don't.
This semester has been really difficult - and I think on some levels I am depressed about homework being the controlling factor of my life. There is SO MUCH WORK. Adding the observation hours has only added to the stress so again, May cannot come soon enough. Then again - I have always had excuses - haven't I? When I was working in NY, it was the commute - now it's school - next year it will be student teaching.
If I don't reach out to grab the brass ring this summer, I fear I will NEVER do it. And if one thing my observation hours have taught me is that school aged children are active and the way I feel right now, I will never keep up. So literally, it's do or die time. And I am not ready to die.
For the last several months I have felt chained to this damn desk and it's no wonder the scale hasn't exactly been my friend. Friday's weigh in was 231.25 - so one pound gone from the previous week. I will not jump for joy - but I will take it.
This week I really need to do some mindful eating (and get in my exercise which for whatever reason, always takes a back seat) because I have a lot going on and I know in times like these my tendency is to just grab whatever presents itself in front of me and chomp, chomp, chomp I go until I stop to realize that "thing" I just ate was a heaping spoon of Nutella, a sleeve of 1/2 stale crackers with honey (gross, I know), or 1/2 a bag of croutons.
I do have a few healthy meals lined up for the week (tilapia, stuffed peppers, & veggie stir fry) but it's those nights when I am at class where it's just me and the vending machine, that I need to be especially cautious.
I found a good article on mindful eating at http://www.prevention.com/health/weight-loss/success-stories/lose-weight-weight-loss-centers/article/1f70a3f65031c210VgnVCM10000030281eac____?cm_mmc=Spotlight%20Weight%20Loss-_-03282011-_-Weight%20Loss-_-Lose%20Without%20Even%20Trying
Interesting stuff.....
And if you read it, you will know that what they discuss is so not what I do.....usually.
But it does make sense and the first step is realizing just how UNmindful your eating is - and I think it has been clearly established that that is a huge chunk of my issues - pun intended.
I also just read an interesting article that said it is best to eat fruit while on an empty stomach....another thing I need to try. So this morning, I just had a banana by itself even before I drank my coffee. It seemed to quell the hunger for now - let's see how I do the rest of the morning. Worse case scenario is there is a Chobani yogurt downstairs that I know won't blow the morning calorie allotment if I eat it - I think it's about 140 or 160 calories. I really do dig me some Greek yogurt.
I will admit I haven't been stellar about counting calories this past week - again - I let other things take precedence (like my stupid research proposal and the other various assignments that have been occupying my every waking moment) so we'll see what this Friday brings me on the scale. Maybe if I blog regularly it will keep my head in check - remind me that I need to pay attention to my eating EVERYDAY - not just when the mood strikes or I happen to remember (which is usually when I put on pants and find - surprise surprise - that they are difficult to button). I just know I need to do some things that will shift my focus or open my eyes.....or maybe both. In other words, focus a little more on "Ohm".....and less on "Mmmmmmm"......
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