For the love of God - I am so sick of seeing unflattering pictures of myself!!! Especially when they are posted on places such as Facebook by other people and the embarrassing broadcast of my triple chins and arm fat are completely out of my control.
This latest freak out stems from a visit I paid to an old friend from high school over the weekend. She of course asked her husband to take a picture of the two of us together, for old times sake. Except for me, these aren't like old times; they're fatter times, and I'd rather forgo any unnecessary documentation of them, especially when positioned next to someone much thinner and way more athletic than I.
Unfortunately, sometimes there is no polite way to get out of these photo op situations, so I tried to be as gracious as possible by sitting on the couch next to my friend to oblige her, as opposed to running out the front door, car keys in hand, screaming at the top of my lungs.
It's bad enough I had to endure this photo session, but what made matters worse was that there was absolutely no opportunity to get up and readjust myself from the protruding belly fat position I was sitting in to make myself look thinner - even if only to smooth out a few obvious lumps. So, I sat, quite uncomfortably while trying to cover my gut with my hands and angle my head in a way I thought (or hoped) wouldn't make me resemble Jabba the Hut. Then I prayed for the best.
I can confidently say that my prayers were most definitely not answered. I can only assume God must have been on a bathroom break.
While my face is all smiles on the outside, on the inside I am thinking to myself, get this shit over with already so I can steal your camera and destroy the evidence. And rightfully so. The picture reveals more chins than I care to note as well as my big 'ole bare arm which looks like I have a rubber band around my wrist - which I do not. Meaning I have way too much arm chub for the size of my much smaller and daintier on the inside wrist bones to handle.
The worst part is I have hunted high and low to find as flattering of a HEAD SHOT as humanly possible for my Facebook profile because no one in their right mind at 5' 0" and 222 lbs wants a full body shot for the world to see. Now, it's been spectacularly showcased on my profile page for me. Thanks so much, old friend.
I could just delete it I suppose. But then isn't that like running away from the problem at hand?
This IS the way I look after all. I can deny it all I want but the photos don't lie, no matter how hard I wish they would. I could post all the (what I deem) flattering head shots I want but the reality is that head in those shots is connected to something and that something happens to be my body. And my body happens to be, hello - that's right - FAT!
This is not new news here.
As always, this of course gets me thinking about my wedding day photos and how upset it would make me to look like this in them. I know there's no avoiding the camera that day so I better figure out how to make sure it looks like me wearing that white dress and not Jabba.
I have been back on my walking routine and trying to do at least 2 miles a day (6 laps around the town square). The ipod is charged and chock full of good work out tunes so I have some motivation there. It's amazing how good I feel after I walk but it's the actual getting out there that I sometimes struggle with. This computer has become such a distraction which is a tremendously lame excuse but right now, it's the only one I have.
So, with that said, I suppose I should log off and get my day started. I'm at least on a healthy food kick today. Egg beaters with Weight Watchers shredded cheese and a 100 calorie english muffin with spray butter for breakfast which should last me for quite some time, given it was well protein packed.
I have to run to the grocery store later and am going to try very hard to stay away from all processed food this week.....sticking with whole foods and reducing carbs.
That's about it....at least I feel good about having a plan. Now all I have to do is stick with it!!!!
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