There are 431 days until the wedding..... as in 61.6 weeks.....as in the amount of time I have left to lose weight before donning the Great White and saying "I do" to Josh.
431 days........wow!!!!
It almost doesn't seem real and maybe that's because it's still quite a ways off - nearly 14 months to be precise. But I think after giving the deposit at the reception venue over the weekend and also finding a photographer and popping that nifty little deposit check in the mail today makes it seem all the more tangible and I have to face facts that yes, I am most definitely in the process of now very actively planning our wedding! I hate to say it but I am rather impressed by my diligence on this project thus far. I already have quite a few important details sorted out and am relatively organized about which ones I can and will tackle next. I am sometimes delightfully surprised with the choices I make (such as the color scheme) and am happy that I find myself able to make rapid decisions on things I thought I'd agonize over, such as the photographer. I admit that I struggled with venue for a while but am now at peace and extremely excited about our choice.
While the financial conditions to plan this wedding aren't as ideal as I had hoped, I think we are going to pull off an amazing celebration and I know that our family and friends that attend will be the most important addition to our day - not the decorations and flowers. And because Josh agreed to a more expensive photographer, I am some what forced to cut my budget on flowers and decorations and am planning on doing a shit load of DIY stuff, starting immediately because once school kicks in, I know my time will be limited. Let the fun begin.
I think I have the table setting cards figured out and the programs and maybe even the invitations if I think my printer can handle the job and I think I finally found a cheaper place to rent chairs for the beach ceremony so that people don't have to sit their asses in the sand! Bonus!
Hopefully as I continue to plan this event I will discover more ways to save a dollar or two.....I just need to do more homework. Lots and lots of homework....
So, as I plug along here with my enthusiastic wedding planning, I can't help but think about my weight loss goals and how I am going to achieve them by next October, preferably with the same type of enthusiasm and focus as I have for the wedding itself. After all, the weight loss benefits will last far beyond Oct 9, 2010, unlike the rest of the things I am now coordinating (marriage excluded - that's a permanent deal!!! LOL).
The concept of making a weight loss contract for yourself isn't a new one. Read any weight loss article or monthly issue of Prevention magazine and you can usually find someone expressing what a good idea it is to treat losing weight as a deal with yourself that you cannot break, since you are contractually committed to it. They often encourage you to actually write out a full length contract to hang in a place where you will see it every day, like on the fridge for example. The contract should be well thought out, listing the goals you have, the rewards you will reap as you achieve those goals (it's sort of like giving yourself a raise) and the negative consequences that you will face if the contract is not met (a demotion, if you will). It might sound a little cheesy but I think it's not such a bad idea. Another suggestion they usually make is that you read your contract every day as an positive affirmation and reminder of what you have signed up for and what you need to do to keep sight of your weight loss goals. Nothing will stop you short of stuffing your face with Boursin cheese and left over pie (not necessarily eaten together, although it's your call) than seeing that contract staring you in the face as you go to rip open the refrigerator door for a late night snack. And really, isn't that the idea?
Hell, I'm in the midst of signing a bunch of other contracts right now - what's one more, right?
Personally, I've never really tried this approach but I think it's a good way to put the onus on one's self instead of blaming all the shit around you on why you are fat. As for me, I have run completely out of excuses. Unless of course you'd believe me if I said aliens emerge from their mother ship each night and come give me massive fat injections and force feed me cake and candy and I am completely powerless under their control????? No? Not buying it?
Ok, then I really AM out of excuses.
In all honesty, I would say for the past 20 - 25 years I have been overweight, probably even longer if I care to think about it (which I don't) since I was never really a thin kid. There was no skinny phase for me, at least none I can remember. I swear I dropped out of my mother already armed with a fat ass and big boobs, so the odds were stacked against me practically from birth.
But I am now a 37 year old woman who has, and has had for a very long time, the control to change this unhealthy cycle. Yes, I have given it half hearted attempts that have provided me with limited results that lasted only a short while but somehow I always ended up finding myself overboard, face down gorging myself on a pint of Ben & Jerry's cookie dough ice cream and a pan of ooey gooey fudgey brownies. Well, guess what? I am not going back to that place any more.
This wedding, while making me the happiest woman on the face of the earth, is serving a dual purpose. Finding true love that has turned to a lifetime commitment is #1, but it's also given me the push I needed to take the long hard look at what has been happening to me and my body over the years. I'm not sure what outsiders think - those people that know me but don't see me every day. Do I look different to them at all? Bigger? Unhealthier? Are the negative changes in me noticeable? It's felt gradual to me, but then again, I live with myself and this body every day so it was easy for me to not notice, or basically ignore all the creeping problems that were arising (bad knees, bad back, bad feet, bad, bad bad, etc...). But I wonder if it's been obvious to everyone else?
I think I don't really want to know. It's embarrassing to think people look at you, thinking 'tsk tsk - guess she's stopped dieting again. Shit, has she gotten HUGE'.....
It's bad enough to know that I myself think it....but knowing the rest of the world, especially friends and family, looks at you that way is pretty heartbreaking.
So, making a contract with myself, it is!!! That's going on my to do list today along with the 101 other things I am telling myself I must do.
After all, I only get one shot at this life.....I may as well make it the best it can be.
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