Ready or not, here I come....

It's another lovely Monday and the sun is finally burning off the misty grey clouds that were hanging in the sky earlier this morning. Today is going to be an absolute perfect beach day.

If I were at the beach, that is.

The sad reality is that I am still at home in NJ and have to go to class tonight. I'm finally in the home stretch with only 2 more classes to go and will be (fingers crossed) beach bound Wed evening after class to begin my 9  day stretch of becoming zen with the sun, sand and surf. Which translates into "I really need to get my ass in gear" because I have much to accomplish before I go. This is my usual style though - wait until  the last minute to get all of my crap together.....which includes doing laundry, packing, getting a haircut and dying my hair, all which I should have done at some point over the weekend. Will I ever learn?

Probably not.

By all rights I should be panicking on multiple levels. After all, this IS a beach vacation we're talking about. Lots of skin baring and all that not-so-good stuff I have been dreading for the past, oh, let's see -  lifetime??? This month has downright SUCKED for weight loss. I really should go upstairs and try on my bathing suit to make sure it fits but I am bloated from the wrath of Aunt Edna who has over the past 2 days taken my uterus and my normally happy disposition hostage and is demanding a heavy ransom, apparently to be paid in pounds (and we're not talking British currency here), for their return. I jumped on the scale this morning just to confirm my nagging suspicion that the weight lost last week has re-claimed it's territory and sure enough, I was back at 223 this morning. Sonofabitch!

I'm not even going to feign surprise since I realize this past weekend wasn't exactly a health-fest so even with out a raging period I shouldn't have been expecting miracles. And if I think about it, a gain of only 1.6 lbs (I say only like it's not a big deal even though it KILLS me), isn't the worst thing that could happen to my body, all things considered. 

So much for that last post where I said I would NEVER see that number again....I think I really need to choose my words more carefully in the future.

J and I went to an Iron Pigs baseball game on Saturday night with our friends, Mike & Janet. It was the perfect night to be outside and I felt like a new woman since the past few weekends I have been trapped inside the house working on my various school projects. The sun was shining, it was warm with a light breeze and I was being social for the first time in what felt like ages! It was like a caged beast had been let loose, and I admit -  I went a little ape shit. I won't bore you with all the gory details but here are some consumption highlights depicting what a little PMS and freedom can do to a person on the edge:

Beer, the fabulous & famous taco from Mach's Gute (with a FRIED shell), one jalapeno popper, a little spinach & artichoke dip, beer, beer, soft pretzel, beer....... BlughBlaghGagBarf.

I know....bad news.

However, I think because I am so excited to go to the beach, I am letting this all kind of slide off my back for right now. I know that this vacation will entail a lot of exercise and that's good because there is no way I can get through 9 days at the Delaware beaches without having a Louie's cheeseburger sub. It would be sacrilegious. But at least I can kayak it off or bike it off or walk it off.....the options for exercise down there are endless. I still look like I'm ready for my close up for the cover of Cottage Cheese Thighs Monthly but I am going to try to not let that ruin my vacation.

What I am really hoping, is for this vacation to act as the catalyst to re-jump start my exercise regimen since the past month has been a relatively sedentary one - except for my fingers which worked out every day due to my projects for school. However, I'm not sure that you burn many calories typing.....I should look into that.

While I am at the beach, I also have to figure out what Plan C for the wedding is since my venue got booked for the day I was planning next May. I am beginning to think there is some dark cloud hanging over these wedding plans and I just can't find a place to suit my taste or budget that also fits into the time frame I need. I'll have 9 days to work on it so hopefully I'll have updates when I get back. 

Anyway, I guess I should probably go tackle that 'to do' list since time is a wastin'. I have 4 hours until I have to get ready for class and I can at the very least do a little cleaning and packing. I can actually zip some (not all) of my shorts now, believe it or not. 

I still have my class presentation to prepare for Wednesday but for some reason am not so focused on that at the moment.....I should be, but I'm not. My brain is already on vacation and the focus I had last week has gone else where.....

Right now, all I can think about is the smell of salt water, the sound of crashing waves, the sparkle of the sun on the ocean and my soon to be Coppertone tan!

Bring it on.......

Stressfest

Holy God, I have not been this tired in I can't remember how long. I'm sure this exhaustion I am feeling doesn't begin to compare with what I experienced back in the days when I had my job and was commuting 5 hours a day but those memories seem so distant now. It's a little strange. I suppose it's all relative. I guess I am not used to having to put some much of myself into things like school work. It has been a very long time indeed, since I have had to stay up past midnight to work on a school project. Like over 15 years.

I can't believe it's been 11 days since I've posted to the blog. It seems like an eternity and I kind of missed it. This has sort of become my sounding board and has really proven to be quite therapeutic, especially when I go back to read old posts. I realized that although this whole weight loss thing is still moving along like molasses in January, I am doing it! So now that I am in the home stretch with school, I hope to be getting back to more regular posts. I am sure you are all relieved. LOL.

It's not that I haven't been spending more than enough quality time with my new lap top. We are quite intimate these days and I think it's safe to say it's been felt up a whole up more than poor J has these past 2 weeks. School has officially kicked my ass in every way imaginable and I don't know if I should be horribly embarrassed or not since it was only one stinking class! In my defense it was a class on Educational Planing and I had to create 5 lesson plans and an entire unit plan in addition to reading on average 75 pages of textbook garble for every class, do a research paper, give a class presentation and make a bulletin board. The fact that I am coming from a completely different field was the real challenge but I guess I shouldn't complain because I sure as hell got my money's worth out of this class. And it's not over yet! I have 2 more classes to go and still need to tackle that damn bulletin board, which is due on Monday and give my presentation on Wednesday.

And then, my friends I will get drunk.

Actually, I may have to postpone my drinking festivities until after I get to the beach since we leave for vacation on Thurs night and I have a pile of laundry the size of Mt. Everest that needs some attention since unfortunately we are not vacationing at a nudist camp.

I wish I was feeling a little better about turning in that massive unit plan project yesterday but I am still feeling anxious. Maybe it's because I know I still have other things to do, even outside of school (although I still need to register for fall classes). I have a list of stuff a mile long that I need to do here at the house, which I have seriously neglected over the last few weeks.

Cleaning like a 50's housewife has never been my thing so you can imagine how much I am looking forward to vacuuming and dusting when all I want to be doing is sitting my ass poolside. Preferably with a martini in hand.

Ah, and speaking of ass, I guess I shouldn't delay the inevitable conversation about my last weigh in which was enough to cause a mini meltdown. But then again, there's nothing like a healthy dose of "holy shit" to get you back on track so I have been watching myself somewhat more carefully, and have made it a point this past week or so to be too busy to think about food. Being immersed in my school work has actually helped me in that area. Do you know how hard it is to eat and type at the same time?

As if school wasn't enough to put my stress threshold to the test, our family experienced two losses this week with my aunt's passing on Friday and then my second cousin on Sunday. I am surprised that with everything that was going on, I didn't hold up a bakery, but amazingly, I didn't. Although I did plow my way through about half a dozen (or more) bad food options at the luncheon after my aunts funeral, it ended up being the only meal I ate that day (thank you, schoolwork) so I decided not to get too neurotic over it. But I will admit that between the sandwich, potato salad and macaroni salad, I probably ate enough mayo to make Paula Dean squeal with delight. That woman loves her some fattening mayo, y'all.

Anyway, despite it being one of the toughest weeks I've had since May 18, I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and sand, sun, and surf is looming in the near distance. I can smell the Coppertone already. 

And because it has been so long since I have posted I decided to weigh myself today as opposed to waiting until tomorrow. Let's face it, curiosity killed the fat cat.

So, today I am happy to report I am down to 221.4 lbs. Stress and mayo did not do the damage that they could have potentially done so I am feeling pretty happy this morning. That's right, I said HAPPY.

It's funny, but when I look at this number, I can't help but think this used to be my highest weight (right around the time I turned 30) and I remember thinking back then that I would never let myself get any higher that that. Oh, but I lied!

So, I'll say it again. Never ever ever will I let myself see this number again. Once it's gone, it's gone and unless it's 221.4  million dollars that I am winning in a lottery, I am kissing this number good bye. For good.

The thing that pisses me off the most is I have less than a half pound separating me and a visit to the nail joint in town to get my long awaited pedicure.

Fingers (and toes) crossed, by the weekend, I am hoping to be able to work on dropping that little bit of stubborn poundage so I don't have to be embarrassed by my unsightly feet any longer. I supposed I could have done my own nails but I think after all of this school stuff I deserve to be pampered a little bit, don't you?

I also need a haircut and color and I considered having that be my "treat" at my 20 lb loss but honestly, I can't wait that long! 

Well, that's about it for today. I have to get to work on my bulletin board project now (I am sewing stuffed animals if you can believe it) so as they say, no rest for the wicked.

Stay tuned for more regular updates as I continue to fight my battle of the bulge.

Busy is as Busy Does.....

It's been an unbelievably  hellish week of doing school work and the fat lady hasn't sung yet (unless you include my morning shower) so I guess it ain't over....

As of this very moment I am procrastinating working on my research paper by writing this post....

I am just So Damn Tired Of Working On School Related Shit.

Sorry to keep you hanging since Monday but it was a baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad week. I just weighed myself and wanted to throw myself under a bus. Then I realized we don't have any mass transportation here in Belvidere, and the kid's school is out for the summer so I was shit out of luck. Perhaps I can find some train tracks on which to tie myself?

Ladies and germs, drum roll please..............

I am back at 225 lbs. 

Let's re-cap, shall we?

Cheeseburger & fries at Gunnar's Landing last night. $19.95

Cone of ice cream for a completely unnecessary dessert at Markowitz Dairy - $2.25

Getting on the scale this morning....uh, apparently NOT priceless! More like, yo biotch -  now you pay the price!

Word to your fat cells....they KNOW when you've had ice cream (all right, and cheeseburgers and fries) and they don't let you forget it!

Anyway, nuff said. I already bitch slapped myself over this. Bad weeks will happen. This was a rough one. At least I'm honest about it.

Now, it's back to that research paper.....good times.

P.S. I promise once this week is over I will get back to more regular posts.....and hopefully they will contain some better news than this post of patheticness. Or ELSE!

Ta Ta for now....

When Good Muffins Go Bad

I wonder if Costco has single handedly made the world a fatter place?

I know it's been around for years but I personally was recently introduced to the "buy it in bulk" phenomenon, having never stepped inside a Sam's Club, BJ's Wholesale or Costco in my lifetime. I have to tell you, it was both fascinating as well as a tad scary. And probably a little bit dangerous too (have you seen their bakery???).

J and I are a party of two, not counting the dogs so the thought of buying anything in bulk is bordering on ridiculous unless you're talking about maybe toilet paper or paper towels. 

Those things I can understand buying in large quantities. You certainly use them enough to justify having plenty around and if you have the storage space, why not? You'll never have to worry about wiping up a big soppy mess or running the risk of using coffee filters as butt wipe ever again.

But what about the 30 deodorants packs or pack of 10 tubes of toothpastes, and 50 razor packs? I'm guessing that with that much stench buster, plaque fighter and hair reducer you could probably hole yourself up in the house for 25 years and never have to leave. You could still maintain your personal hygiene and not end up looking like the Unibomber when you re-emerge to buy your next arsenal of products to last you the next 25 years.

But the gargantuan packs of deodorant, toothpaste and razors aren't what get me the most. It's the food....or more specifically, the baked goods. 

My future mother in law loves her some Costco and has introduced us to their Mega Muffins which just so happen to be the size of a small child's head. They are, in a word, dee-scrumma-licious. Especially the blueberry/lemon and apple streusel varieties. I could eat them until the cows come home and still not get my fill, however I am pretty sure that after a few consecutive days of consuming these large and in charge baked bundles of badness, I'd be trading my already non-zipping pants in for tents and king size sheets with holes cut out for my head and arms. Pretty picture? No, I don't think so.

The thing about these muffins is that you instantly know they are pure evil, just by looking at them. Their behemoth size is a dead give-away. What baked good that appears to be on steroids could be low-cal or low-fat? I'll tell you which one - NONE! I'm sorry but it's not possible, unless the serving size is like 1/100th of the muffin. And let's face it, when you bite into it and experience the fat and sugar mambo that's going on in your mouth, you just know you're digging yourself an early grave. Nothing that tastes that good is good for you, I don't care what anyone says. I'm not sure when we started thinking muffins were a health food anyway since they are basically a second cousin to cake. Am I right?

Those people at Costco absolutely know what they're doing, too. You can't just decide that maybe today you'll allow yourself this one (not so) small treat and walk out of there with one or two muffins. Oh no.

You must buy 12 - that's right a full dozen. Twelve days worth of ass expansion, coming up! 

If I were to guess, I'd say over half the people that buy them don't know shit from shinola about what they are getting themselves into. You see, there are no nutritional facts listed on these suckers. The people that have the warped sense to think they are buying these because they are a health food (since they contain the word muffin and not cake), don't stand a chance. 

Since my future mother in law buys these with frightening frequency and gives us a 6-pack every time we go to her house (they ironically enough are sold in 6 packs but you must buy TWO six packs), I decided to do a little research so that the next time she offers us a pack I can politely decline after stating my evidence. She knows we are dieting these days but even still, these things end up in our care packages when we leave their house. And before J and I decided we were on a health kick, that was fine. We accepted them gratefully and ate them with pleasure. As a matter of fact, before J and I started on this weight loss journey together, he would eat 2 of these at night for a "snack"...toasted....with butter. Hello, have you read the book Death by Muffin by C. Ostco?

I can guarantee my poor darling fiance had no clue what he was doing to his body but perhaps if he had seen the information I found below on WikiAnswers.com., he would have thought twice about indulging. But rest assured, those indulgent days are in the past and so are those muffins.

Below is what I found out about these good muffins gone bad. By all rights, they should be illegal.

How many calories are in a Costco muffin? In: Diet and Weight Loss, Calorie Count [Edit categories]

[Edit]

From our video partners

There are anywhere from 610 calories to just over 1,000 depending on the flavor of the muffin. Specifically, poppy seed muffins weigh in at 610 calories and 32 grams of fat (6g saturated) while the chocolate ones are 690 calories with 37 grams of fat (?).

Costco has begun to make muffins with streusel toppings, which substantially add to the calorie count; thus explaining the higher end of the calorie spectrum. While delicious, these muffins must be eaten in severe moderation to avoid major weight gain - it would only take 4 muffins to gain a pound. I know some people who eat that over a couple of days! 

And there you have it folks! The ugly truth about Costco muffins. Currently we have about 18 of them in our freezer where they will continue to stay until we have company over and we can pawn them off to some of our skinny friends. As for J and I, we will be staying far, far away.....

Swapping Grease for Greens

Happy Friday! It's the end of the work week for most of you but here in the land of the unemployed it's just another day.....

Actually, it's J's b-day so in all fairness it's not like any old normal day - it's actually a pretty special one (at least it is to me). That's why tonight we are going out to celebrate....which I love to do. And which used to be a fun, social thing that I indulged in quite often BEFORE I started this little life altering d-i-e-t.

Going out to eat with no real conscious thought as to what you put in your mouth is quite the liberating experience. I can remember the days of going to a bar and ordering a nice greasy burger with bacon, sweet potato fries and a few beers with wild abandon. Was I thinking about what it was doing to contribute to my already abundant body fat collection, never mind the internal damage it was doing to my arteries, heart and liver? Absolutey not. It did not cross my mind at all. On those feeding orgy occasions, my focus didn't extend any further than my taste buds, and they were telling me they were having a gay old time. Not thinking about what I was eating gave me free license to eat whatever my trans-fat filled heart desired and sadly, that's what made the experience enjoyable to me. I was happy as a pig in shit, literally acting like a pig in shit...uh, minus the shit part of course. 

When I think about what I have committed myself to in the way of getting healthy, I imagine this type of irresponsibility with food consumption is an experience that I will more than likely never have again in my lifetime. At least I am hoping that's what it means. These days I am CONSTANTLY aware of what I shove down my gullet, and that includes the the good, the bad and the ugly things I have chomped on since May 6th..... Sausage and pizza be damned....

While my taste buds are learning to adapt to some of the other finer things in life such as lettuce, lettuce and more lettuce, lean turkey sandwiches without cheese, and every flavor imaginable the fat free yogurt world has to offer, I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I am still in that stage where I miss the "bad for me" foods to some extent. I haven't been able to completely wipe them off my radar screen and sometimes I don't think I ever will be able to. If you have a strong burning passionate love for cheeseburgers, does the love ever fade? How do you break up with something you love so dearly? Do you just replace one love with another? Honestly, I can't imagine that a salad, no matter how colorful or chock full 'o crisp veggies it is or a nice piece of grilled white fish will ever hold the close place in my heart that a nice big slab of beef does, but I guess I can try to get there.

If this past week has proven anything to me, it's that I will falter at times - after all I am only human. Maybe if I accept the fact that sometimes my old loves are going to make a reappearance every now and again, then maybe I can get by knowing they don't have to be completely cut out of my life in order to be successful. The key is avoiding them more often than not.

This week the type of eating I did caused me to fear stepping on the scale more than ever. The sausage sandwich, the pizza and last night, our oh so delicious steak dinner made me feel like I had just sabotaged any efforts I had made to shed this poundage. And you know what? It should scare me and I shouldn't ignore that fear. That sort of eating on a regular basis is what put me at 231 lbs. Continuing that sort of eating regularly would have probably put me at a much higher number than 231 so I'm thankful I had the the good sense to get the train wreck under some control when I did.

Today I weighed in at 223.5 - so technically I'm a 1/4 lb down from yesterday which isn't much but it's something and most importantly, it's in the right direction. 

Total weight loss from May 6, 2009 to June 5, 2009 = 7.5 lbs

That means I have 2.5 lbs to go before I hit the 10 lb loss mark which makes me a little giddy if you must know. Ten pounds of fat gone bye-bye is usually the point when you really start to feel a bit of difference in your clothes and I have to say, I will welcome the extra room in my pants more than you know. Just wait until I can zip those old pants again! Unfortunately, I'll  no sooner have the zipper pulled up before I start to pee in my pants from all the excitement. Oh well - a small price to pay for this sort of lard losing victory.

To further push myself, I've decided with each 10 lb loss, I'm honoring my hard work with a special reward - here's the short list of what I have decided on so far:

• 10 lb loss - get pedicure
  

Ok, so it's a very short list at the moment and may only be driven by the simple fact that my feet look like something out of a Grizzly Adams nightmare (meaning the bottoms look like I run around the forest without shoes and at this point I could probably climb trees with my bear claw toenails) -  so I DESPERATELY need some tootsie TLC , but have no fear, I WILL think up some other rewards for the other 10 lb milestones - all non food related of course.

As for tonight, I am going to try very hard to do 2 things while out celebrating J's big 3-8: 

#1 - Make a healthy food choice.

#2 - Enjoy the fact that I am eating something good for me while acknowledging the fact that this sort of food can be enjoyable - even if it is green and leafy, doesn't have a fried shell, or leave grease dripping down my arm.

I can't believe I've got one month down already and really folks, it wasn't that bad......despite my bitching here and there, I finally feel on all accounts ready, willing and able to do this. 

And with my arsenal of friends, family and veggies to help keep me on track, how can I fail?

Depiction of a contradiction

Well, it's another day here in Blogland....and it's a dreary one at that. This week has not exactly been conducive to doing much physical exercise outside and despite the fact I have a rather impressive and well equipped treadmill up in the spare bedroom, it continues to sit up up there, dormant, taking up space and acting as a constant reminder that I can no longer blame the weather for not working out. F-you treadmill for making me feel like a lazy oaf.

In all fairness the weather isn't the only reason I have been lax about physical activity this week. It's been more of a medley of undesirable factors that have contributed to my lack of movement. First and foremost is that Aunt Edna (code word for "on the rag") is visiting, wreaking her usual havoc on my uterus, not to mention my state of mind. Secondly, I am now a few weeks into my summer class which is the first class I am taking in the Masters of Ed program.  It's a little like a learning a whole new language and it has been sucking up quite a bit of my time -  but I won't complain about that too much since I have to remember that I'm working not only towards a body transformation here, but I'm also working towards a complete career transition as well. At this stage in the game, they are head to head as to which one is proving to be more difficult.

I spent the better part of the back end of last week and all through the weekend putting my nose to the grindstone and busting my butt on a lesson planning project which was handed in, but was not being graded. Last night we received the project back along with comments provided from the professor to help us on our final draft. As I looked around the room to other students paging through their work, I noticed a great deal of red comments peppered throughout their pages. This included the project of one woman in the class who I had initially pegged as the "smarty pants" of EDU-550. The one that I figured would excel in anything she did, even blindfolded with two hands tied behind her back. I figured if she had a boat load of comments on her project, I was sure to find even more on mine. However, with my breath held, I anxiously flipped through the pages of my project, noticing a distinct lack of red marks. The only red comments were on the front page.....I had been given the old "Nice job on this! Very detailed - all components addressed". Really? Me? There were two other small suggestions on the front page but that was it. It appears I actually had done a good job. Seriously - I felt like Wonder Woman!!! I had kicked some serious ass! Let us not forget that as of May 18, I was a complete ignoramus on the subject of lesson planning. To give you some idea, just a few short weeks ago asking me to do a project on lesson planning was not entirely unrelated to asking me to write a blog entry in Chinese....

Lesson Planning? Moo Goo Gai Pan???

The thing is, I beat myself to a bloody pulp over this project and was absolutely convinced I had done a lousy job. The concept of receiving a "nice job" on this project was not a possibility I had ever entertained.

I gotta ask myself - Why the hell not????

I'm reasonably intelligent enough and even though educational planning is a subject I knew virtually nothing about until just recently, I do know that I worked extremely hard and was very diligent about meeting all the criteria for the project.  I should have expected to do well, not fill myself with doubt.

In turn, I'm beginning to see what hard work is really all about and how this is all related to my weight loss efforts. Would my comments from the professor have been the same had I not given my all on that project? More than likely, no. I really put my best efforts forward and focused on the project at hand and in turn, was rewarded for that. 

Looking at it from a fat zapping perspective, am I going to get the weight loss results I want if I don't work hard and stay diligent with my efforts? Again, it's highly unlikely. Weight loss takes hard work and dedication and you don't have to be Jillian Michael's to know the harder you work at it, the more rewards you'll reap....like having a smaller ass for starters.

This is not rocket science, folks. This weight loss thing sure as hell isn't going to happen through osmosis.

However with all of that said, there is a funny anecdote to this theory on losing weight that I experienced this week. I wrote on Tuesday about giving in to the sausage sandwich at the neighborhood deli and how I had committed myself to eating bugs and grass the rest of the day to repent for my unforgivable breakfast sin. I wish I could say that I stuck to the plan and kept it mean and lean the rest of the day but if I am being truthful, as I promised you I would in this blog, the day just snowballed from sausage to peanut butter to pizza....

In other words, Oy vey!

Attention wagon! Girl overboard!

Perhaps if I were to stretch it, peanut butter could be considered some creamy slightly sugar infused distant relative of an actual nut, which has some health benefits and is therefore not the WORST thing I could have eaten. However, it, along with pizza (did I mention it was white with black olives no less!!) does not, by any stretch of the imagination, fall under the category of grass or bug on the food pyramid. Unless the USDA has changed their standards and I wasn't notified.

Quite possible.....

The funny thing is, that although I said I wouldn't go near a scale again until Friday, I found myself naked in the bathroom this morning dying to know what damage I had done on Tuesday. I had to know.....was I back up to my starting weight? Did I blow this entire month of weight loss in one day's worth of feeding frenzy???? I really really really wanted to know...

What god awful news, pray tell, was Old Sonofabotch going to hand me?

And then I saw it.....

223.75 lbs????

Could that be right?

Quick calculation for the math challenged.....I lost a little more than a pound and a half since last Friday even with consuming all of that crap! So my non-hard work?? Still paid off this week. I really don't get it. Maybe it's simply my turn to have a banner of a week, both scholastically and physically. If that's the case, thanks, God. I owe you one.

Tomorrow is my "official" Weigh Day as you know so the record is sort of off the books until then. Who knows if Sausage and Friends were just waiting to make an appearance on my hips until tomorrow. If that's the case, I can't say I don't deserve it....

But until I see what tomorrow holds I am reveling in the successes of the week (thus far) and still believe firmly in the theory that hard work does pay off. I am keeping my focus today and keeping busy so that my mind isn't on eating, it's on occupying myself with other things I need to do and staying far out of reach from the fridge.....Lord knows I have enough dog hair here to focus on. And vacuuming burns calories right? 

Until tomorrow....because as of right now, I'm off to go spend a little quality time with my Dyson.....