I wonder if Costco has single handedly made the world a fatter place?
I know it's been around for years but I personally was recently introduced to the "buy it in bulk" phenomenon, having never stepped inside a Sam's Club, BJ's Wholesale or Costco in my lifetime. I have to tell you, it was both fascinating as well as a tad scary. And probably a little bit dangerous too (have you seen their bakery???).
J and I are a party of two, not counting the dogs so the thought of buying anything in bulk is bordering on ridiculous unless you're talking about maybe toilet paper or paper towels.
Those things I can understand buying in large quantities. You certainly use them enough to justify having plenty around and if you have the storage space, why not? You'll never have to worry about wiping up a big soppy mess or running the risk of using coffee filters as butt wipe ever again.
But what about the 30 deodorants packs or pack of 10 tubes of toothpastes, and 50 razor packs? I'm guessing that with that much stench buster, plaque fighter and hair reducer you could probably hole yourself up in the house for 25 years and never have to leave. You could still maintain your personal hygiene and not end up looking like the Unibomber when you re-emerge to buy your next arsenal of products to last you the next 25 years.
But the gargantuan packs of deodorant, toothpaste and razors aren't what get me the most. It's the food....or more specifically, the baked goods.
My future mother in law loves her some Costco and has introduced us to their Mega Muffins which just so happen to be the size of a small child's head. They are, in a word, dee-scrumma-licious. Especially the blueberry/lemon and apple streusel varieties. I could eat them until the cows come home and still not get my fill, however I am pretty sure that after a few consecutive days of consuming these large and in charge baked bundles of badness, I'd be trading my already non-zipping pants in for tents and king size sheets with holes cut out for my head and arms. Pretty picture? No, I don't think so.
The thing about these muffins is that you instantly know they are pure evil, just by looking at them. Their behemoth size is a dead give-away. What baked good that appears to be on steroids could be low-cal or low-fat? I'll tell you which one - NONE! I'm sorry but it's not possible, unless the serving size is like 1/100th of the muffin. And let's face it, when you bite into it and experience the fat and sugar mambo that's going on in your mouth, you just know you're digging yourself an early grave. Nothing that tastes that good is good for you, I don't care what anyone says. I'm not sure when we started thinking muffins were a health food anyway since they are basically a second cousin to cake. Am I right?
Those people at Costco absolutely know what they're doing, too. You can't just decide that maybe today you'll allow yourself this one (not so) small treat and walk out of there with one or two muffins. Oh no.
You must buy 12 - that's right a full dozen. Twelve days worth of ass expansion, coming up!
If I were to guess, I'd say over half the people that buy them don't know shit from shinola about what they are getting themselves into. You see, there are no nutritional facts listed on these suckers. The people that have the warped sense to think they are buying these because they are a health food (since they contain the word muffin and not cake), don't stand a chance.
Since my future mother in law buys these with frightening frequency and gives us a 6-pack every time we go to her house (they ironically enough are sold in 6 packs but you must buy TWO six packs), I decided to do a little research so that the next time she offers us a pack I can politely decline after stating my evidence. She knows we are dieting these days but even still, these things end up in our care packages when we leave their house. And before J and I decided we were on a health kick, that was fine. We accepted them gratefully and ate them with pleasure. As a matter of fact, before J and I started on this weight loss journey together, he would eat 2 of these at night for a "snack"...toasted....with butter. Hello, have you read the book Death by Muffin by C. Ostco?
I can guarantee my poor darling fiance had no clue what he was doing to his body but perhaps if he had seen the information I found below on WikiAnswers.com., he would have thought twice about indulging. But rest assured, those indulgent days are in the past and so are those muffins.
Below is what I found out about these good muffins gone bad. By all rights, they should be illegal.
 | How many calories are in a Costco muffin? |
[Edit]
From our video partners
There are anywhere from 610 calories to just over 1,000 depending on the flavor of the muffin. Specifically, poppy seed muffins weigh in at 610 calories and 32 grams of fat (6g saturated) while the chocolate ones are 690 calories with 37 grams of fat (?).
Costco has begun to make muffins with streusel toppings, which substantially add to the calorie count; thus explaining the higher end of the calorie spectrum. While delicious, these muffins must be eaten in severe moderation to avoid major weight gain - it would only take 4 muffins to gain a pound. I know some people who eat that over a couple of days!
And there you have it folks! The ugly truth about Costco muffins. Currently we have about 18 of them in our freezer where they will continue to stay until we have company over and we can pawn them off to some of our skinny friends. As for J and I, we will be staying far, far away.....
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