Happy Friday! It's the end of the work week for most of you but here in the land of the unemployed it's just another day.....
Actually, it's J's b-day so in all fairness it's not like any old normal day - it's actually a pretty special one (at least it is to me). That's why tonight we are going out to celebrate....which I love to do. And which used to be a fun, social thing that I indulged in quite often BEFORE I started this little life altering d-i-e-t.
Going out to eat with no real conscious thought as to what you put in your mouth is quite the liberating experience. I can remember the days of going to a bar and ordering a nice greasy burger with bacon, sweet potato fries and a few beers with wild abandon. Was I thinking about what it was doing to contribute to my already abundant body fat collection, never mind the internal damage it was doing to my arteries, heart and liver? Absolutey not. It did not cross my mind at all. On those feeding orgy occasions, my focus didn't extend any further than my taste buds, and they were telling me they were having a gay old time. Not thinking about what I was eating gave me free license to eat whatever my trans-fat filled heart desired and sadly, that's what made the experience enjoyable to me. I was happy as a pig in shit, literally acting like a pig in shit...uh, minus the shit part of course.
When I think about what I have committed myself to in the way of getting healthy, I imagine this type of irresponsibility with food consumption is an experience that I will more than likely never have again in my lifetime. At least I am hoping that's what it means. These days I am CONSTANTLY aware of what I shove down my gullet, and that includes the the good, the bad and the ugly things I have chomped on since May 6th..... Sausage and pizza be damned....
While my taste buds are learning to adapt to some of the other finer things in life such as lettuce, lettuce and more lettuce, lean turkey sandwiches without cheese, and every flavor imaginable the fat free yogurt world has to offer, I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I am still in that stage where I miss the "bad for me" foods to some extent. I haven't been able to completely wipe them off my radar screen and sometimes I don't think I ever will be able to. If you have a strong burning passionate love for cheeseburgers, does the love ever fade? How do you break up with something you love so dearly? Do you just replace one love with another? Honestly, I can't imagine that a salad, no matter how colorful or chock full 'o crisp veggies it is or a nice piece of grilled white fish will ever hold the close place in my heart that a nice big slab of beef does, but I guess I can try to get there.
If this past week has proven anything to me, it's that I will falter at times - after all I am only human. Maybe if I accept the fact that sometimes my old loves are going to make a reappearance every now and again, then maybe I can get by knowing they don't have to be completely cut out of my life in order to be successful. The key is avoiding them more often than not.
This week the type of eating I did caused me to fear stepping on the scale more than ever. The sausage sandwich, the pizza and last night, our oh so delicious steak dinner made me feel like I had just sabotaged any efforts I had made to shed this poundage. And you know what? It should scare me and I shouldn't ignore that fear. That sort of eating on a regular basis is what put me at 231 lbs. Continuing that sort of eating regularly would have probably put me at a much higher number than 231 so I'm thankful I had the the good sense to get the train wreck under some control when I did.
Today I weighed in at 223.5 - so technically I'm a 1/4 lb down from yesterday which isn't much but it's something and most importantly, it's in the right direction.
Total weight loss from May 6, 2009 to June 5, 2009 = 7.5 lbs
That means I have 2.5 lbs to go before I hit the 10 lb loss mark which makes me a little giddy if you must know. Ten pounds of fat gone bye-bye is usually the point when you really start to feel a bit of difference in your clothes and I have to say, I will welcome the extra room in my pants more than you know. Just wait until I can zip those old pants again! Unfortunately, I'll no sooner have the zipper pulled up before I start to pee in my pants from all the excitement. Oh well - a small price to pay for this sort of lard losing victory.
To further push myself, I've decided with each 10 lb loss, I'm honoring my hard work with a special reward - here's the short list of what I have decided on so far:
- 10 lb loss - get pedicure
Ok, so it's a very short list at the moment and may only be driven by the simple fact that my feet look like something out of a Grizzly Adams nightmare (meaning the bottoms look like I run around the forest without shoes and at this point I could probably climb trees with my bear claw toenails) - so I DESPERATELY need some tootsie TLC , but have no fear, I WILL think up some other rewards for the other 10 lb milestones - all non food related of course.
As for tonight, I am going to try very hard to do 2 things while out celebrating J's big 3-8:
#1 - Make a healthy food choice.
#2 - Enjoy the fact that I am eating something good for me while acknowledging the fact that this sort of food can be enjoyable - even if it is green and leafy, doesn't have a fried shell, or leave grease dripping down my arm.
I can't believe I've got one month down already and really folks, it wasn't that bad......despite my bitching here and there, I finally feel on all accounts ready, willing and able to do this.
And with my arsenal of friends, family and veggies to help keep me on track, how can I fail?
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