Finding What Works

What a difference a day makes.

Although I'm still majorly ragging it and therefore not my usual chipper self, after being forced to take a walk with Josh last night around the town (after getting through the day with relatively "decent" food choices) I felt somewhat rejuvenated and woke this morning thinking good thoughts and giving myself my daily affirmation that I can do well today too.

So far, so good but it's only 8 AM.

I must give props where props are due. Reading PastaQueen.com has been a huge inspiration to me. I have started reading her archives which are all about the beginning of her weight loss journey and her posts are quite motivating. I know how I feel at my current weight (224.4 lbs this morning so yey - at least I am down a little bit from yesterday's bloat-fest) so I can't imagine what having another 140 lbs on me would be like. It's horrifying to think about. Yet, she managed to look past the huge obstacle in front of her and take the necessary steps needed to achieve a 200 lb loss which, I don't care what anyone says, is fucking amazing and totally kick ass. The fact that she did this naturally - no surgery, no pills - just good old fashioned diet and exercise, is the best part. She is a REAL person who beat her fat demon into submission. I'm sure she battles with it daily but has been able to to at least keep it at bay in order to maintain her weight loss.

I have known many people throughout my life that have been successful at weight loss through various methods. I myself have had limited success on various programs like Weight Watchers, South Beach Diet, Susan Powter's Stop The Insanity, and a few others, but the loss was never anything so significant that I noticed a huge difference in the way I looked and felt. Going back and looking at pictures of me from the past, especially from last May, I'd give my eye teeth to look that "skinny" right now and I wasn't even thin! I probably weighed at least 190 - 200 lbs but now I'm at least 24.4 lbs heavier and let me tell you - it is VERY noticeable.

I think the key is finding a weight loss method you can stick with.  Since I have tried a few, I know obviously that reducing my caloric and carb in take works, even if I don't exercise like a madwoman. When I DO add exercise to the equation, I also know that I become a calorie burning, fat melting machine. This should be a no-brainer, right? Get the ass a-movin! However, this is the hardest part for me, motivationally speaking.  Having access to a gym is what helped me the last time I lost weight (God Bless the Eliptical Machine) but right now I don't have the money for a gym so walking outdoors, on my treadmill, or doing workout videos is all I've got. And unfortunately, I haven't taken nearly enough advantage of any of them. The size of my non-worked out gut does not lie.

I know although at this weight I probably qualify now for gastric bypass surgery, I'd never consider it. Lap-band maybe but not the Big Kahuna of weight loss surgery. It scares me too much. I'm not knocking it but I think it takes such a severe change of lifestyle that I may not be able to live with. Plus I really think if I kick my ass in gear and stay conscious of what I am putting in my mouth, I can actually do this the all natural way. Listen to me sounding all gung-ho!!!

There are a plethora of motivating factors to losing weight obviously. Being fat really limits you in ways that "normal sized" people can't even imagine. 

I remember going boot shopping with my friends Sheryl and Janet and warning Janet who had never shopped with me previously that I was indeed going to sweat and curse a lot while trying on boots, so she should prepare herself for possible embarrassment by association. I'm not sure what she expected. Maybe she thought I was kidding since she couldn't figure out why zipping on a pair of calf boots would cause anyone to curse let alone SWEAT (she is tall and thin and knee boots were basically made for people with legs like hers)??? What she didn't understand was that fat girls with mammoth calves don't just slip on a pair of knee boots and pull up the zipper with style and grace, walk to the counter and buy them. Oh no.

We require intricate calisthenics just to get our chunky feet wedged into the bottom of the boot, perhaps with the aid of the world's largest show horn slathered in Crisco. We then require multiple hands to squeeze the calf chub together so we can begin the slow and painful inching of the zipper up our leg only to discover it will only go about 1/4 of the way up. We then spew many many four letter words, disregarding the fact there may or may not be small children present in the shoe department, followed by a series of grunts and wiping of beaded sweat off of our forehead in order to yank the offending boot from the now throbbing foot (since we really needed a wide width anyway but thought we still might give this 7 1/2 regular a go - because we apparently like to torture ourselves). We consider ourselves lucky if the force behind the yanking doesn't send the boot flying into the perfume counter.

Don't get me started on the stretchy pull up type boots. I don't know how many countless pairs I have ruined and stretch out at Macy's trying to find ones that would fit my ample calves. Puh-leeze.

So, yes, being able to wear knee high boots with ease is definitely on my list of things that motivate me to lose weight. Here are a few others:

• No double (or triple) chins photos!
  
• No more creaking knees!
  
• Being able to shop at "normal" stores. Bye Bye Lane Bryant - I should have owned stock in you.
  
• Feeling confident in a bathing suit.
  
• Reducing the size of my mega boobs!
  
• Not getting winded walking up more than a flight of stairs.
  
• Feeling lighter on my feet.
  
• Saying adios to cankles.
  
• No more back pain.
  
• Wearing sleeveless shirts and tank tops without exposing my ham hock upper arms.
  
• Sitting and not feeling like I have to cover my gut with my hands or stretch my shirt over my knees.
  
• Being able to run without feeling like the earth will crack under my feet.
  
• Feeling sexy again....
  
• Getting a short haircut and not looking like my head is a giant beach ball.
  
• Looking spectacular in my wedding dress.
  

........and that's just the short list.

But truthfully, overall, I really just want to get healthy so that I feel better. I know all of the other things will come into play if I just stick with it. The things listed above will all be direct results of getting a healthier body so ultimately, that's the focus.

While the wedding is a significant motivation for me to lose weight, it isn't the ONLY motivation. My cousin Andrea made a good point in saying that I need to do it for myself, with which I completely agree. It is for me. It is my battle and one that only I can conquer.

There may be many supporters along the way (for which I am eternally grateful) but they can't drop the pounds for me......

So to quote one of my favorite songs - "It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life.....and I'm feelin' good".