Rainy days do zilch for my motivation. Today is about as good of a 'sit on your ass and eat bon bons' day as any....except for the fact that by the looks of my fat ass, that is what I appear to do all day anyway - even if I don't.
The goal today is to get moving and break a sweat, even if it kills me. Which it probably will.
My niece arrives tonight to visit for a few days so I have more house cleaning to do - even though I cleaned over the weekend. Life with three dogs means I'll never be able to part ways with my Dyson or dust mop for more than 3 days in a row. Otherwise we run the risk of being buried alive by fur balls. This has come close to happening so I need to be careful. Cleaning this old house is no easy task - there's lots of nooks and crannies for dust to accumulate so I have my work cut out for me today. Scrubbing the deep clawfoot bathtub alone is sure to give my arms the workout of the century. God I hate cleaning the fucking tub.
I think I'll go bake brownies first.
Or maybe not.
It'll just add to my depression since this morning I weighed in at 224 lbs which is what I weighed back at the end of MAY.
I feel like I've done jack shit to lose weight and so now I sit here wondering what my problem is. I have the time. Now where oh where is the motivation???? This is not the first time I have experienced this sort of non-motivational slump. There have been times in my life when I have been super gung-ho about losing weight and have busted my ass to drop some pounds and then there are times, like now, when I am feeling less than optimistic and not exactly enthused about the prospect of doing what I KNOW it takes to get to Skinnyville. I've actually never visited Skinnyville (nor have I ever come anywhere near it's borders) but I do know quite a few people that live there and it looks fabulous.
The problem is that there is a very regimented program I must follow in order to gain access to this place and as of right now, I haven't done any of the work to get there.
What is it that's stopping me? Again, I need to remind myself of the wedding that is taking place in 445 days (or 63 1/2 weeks). That gives me plenty of time to do something about the way I look but I know that unless I get that rush of motivation that I have experienced in the past, things are looking scary.
I think I can get control of the eating more so than I can motivate myself to move, sad as that seems. Perhaps I need a workout buddy? Josh has been going into the office on most days and is wiped out when he gets home (and who can blame him after leaving for work before 5AM????).
The food journal will hopefully make me see food wise where I am eating the empty calories - except empty calories really aren't so "empty" as we know and I am pretty sure I already can figure out where they come from. They are those sneaky little suckers that live inside the salt water taffy and cranberry juice I had yesterday or the handfuls of popcorn that I ate the day before, and while seemingly innocent they deceivingly add to the day's calories consumption just enough to keep me from losing.
I have also decided that nothing gets past the lips and gums (other than toothpaste and water) after 8 PM. If I'm really good, I'll try for 7:00 but can't promise anything.
Then I just need to figure out how to get myself on the at treadmill because I have ABSOLUTELY NO EXCUSE SINCE IT IS RIGHT INSIDE THE HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've recently discovered the blog PastaQueen.com and the author of this blog lost over 200 lbs. Seriously - 200 lbs!!!! That is more than twice what I need to lose. So what is it that motivated her and why can't I do the same?
She has been blogging for a few years so I am just starting to go back into her archives when she started her journey but am curious to see what her "breaking point" was. I feel like I have had so many - but maybe what I considered to be rock bottom really wasn't, and THAT is enough to scare the ever loving shit right out of me. I can't imagine myself any bigger than I am right now - it would be terrible. But then, I have to wonder why is it that I can't imagine myself any smaller either? Is it that I have been this heavy for so long that I can't recall what a normal sized Rochelle should look like?
Hmmm......food for thought.
Pun intended.
P.S.
If you scroll down to the bottom of the page there is now a guest book for you to sign and leave comments at will! I would enjoy any and all feed back, comments, suggestions, you name it.....
And thanks for reading!
No comments:
Post a Comment