Hello and welcome to my very own, brand spanking new blog....
You'll have to forgive me since I'm a complete blog virgin and I really have no idea what the hell I'm doing. Maybe I'm using this venue as some sort of therapy, or maybe I just enjoy public humiliation on some level, but whatever the reason I have decided to start blogging my weight loss journey from now until the time I get married.
I figure that if I publicly post this weight loss experience (even if no one reads it but me) I might actually get up off my ass and do something about this lard-age that's been weighing me down all these years - no pun intended. There's something about bearing my soul to the world wide web that feels somewhat legally binding. If I say I'm going to lose weight, this is my contract to my readers (which, ok, I realize is really just me at the moment) that binds me to the commitment. At least that's the way I'm going to look at it....
Hey, whatever gets you through the day, right?
It's kind of funny the things that motivate you to finally make that mental click to lose weight. I've experienced it a few times (with limited success) during the course of my perpetually chubby lifetime. Ironically enough, the one event I thought, with out a doubt, would trigger me into becoming a lean mean dieting machine actually set me on a downward spiral causing me to reach 230 lbs - my highest weight ever. Two annoying bathroom scales can't be wrong.....
The event in question was my engagement. It's the single most occasion for which women strive to lose weight. I mean what woman, no matter what her size, doesn't fear the Great White? And I'm not talking Jaws here - I'm talking about "The Dress". Personally, I'd rather swim with the sharks than go dress shopping at my current size. I'm 5 feet tall so I'm not exactly sure what silhouette one could recommend in order to make me look or feel attractive at this point. There are days (usually when I'm hangin' with Aunt Flo) when I feel almost as wide as I am tall, so unless there is a gown out there that has been specifically designed for slenderizing a beach ball body, I, my friends, am shit out of luck.
Since my engagement on December 11, 2008 (yey me!), I've been dreading the dress shopping the most. I went online to see what options there were for plus sized gowns and let me tell you, it's about as depressing as it gets. Don't get me wrong, there are options out there. Most dresses are available to order up to a size 24 or 26 so that's really not the issue. But, just as you wouldn't want to buy a car without test driving it first, you surely wouldn't want to buy your wedding gown with knowing what you'll look like in it, right? And there's my trouble right there. I'm certainly not naive enough to think I'd be able to shove even one of my ample ham hocks into them, since the sample size is like an 8 or some other single digit that I haven't been since I was 12 years old. Hell, I sweat and curse trying on tall boots at the mall. Can you imagine what a 230 lb vertically challenged woman would look like trying to wedge herself into a size 8 wedding gown made for an 6 ft model??? I imagine I'd be busting seams a la Incredible Hulk just trying to pull some silk and lace thing of beauty past my thighs and end up stuck with $2000 worth of fabric scraps I would ultimately have no use for. Thanks, but no thanks.
I do think there are a few stores that might carry just plus size dresses but they are few and far between and all at least a 2 hour car ride or 4 hour plane ride away. Not to mention, the bottom line is - I don't want to be a plus sized bride. I just don't. I'm really happy for all the women out there that have embraced all the junk they've acquired in their trunks but seriously - if I could have yard sale to get rid of all of mine I'd do it..... Being a fat bride was never on my to do list. I suppose I'd always imagined I'd have this thing under control by now but the years just kept passing me by and now here I am at age 37 still eating donuts in my car and chugging beer like a frat guy. I think before I explode like a fat volcano, it's time for a change.
Admittedly, when I was younger, I used to exude much more confidence and felt more at peace with my size, but back then, my feet, back and knees didn't crack and creak and hurt all of the time, I didn't really get winded walking up stairs, and I didn't give two thoughts about heart disease or diabetes or whatever other morbid things I obsess about now. Come on, I watch the Biggest Loser (usually in bed with a bowl of ice cream or a beer). I have the exact same issues those people do and could probably be one of their next contestants. Doctor Huizenga would have a field day with my MRI. I imagine it looks a lot like what Shamu's would if he was able to fit in the machine.
Which brings me to the real reason for this blog.
Yesterday I went out to dinner with my fiance and two friends of ours for Cinco De Mayo. I thought I was doing myself a favor by ordering Casa Toros 300 calorie "skinny" margarita. That might be admirable if that was all I had... But Cinco de Mayo wouldn't be the same without some triple tortilla creamy sauce laden seafood concoction with Mexi-cali corn and two kinds of rice, all pre-feasted upon with about 100 homemade lard fried tortilla chips with salsa and guacamole and a Dos Equis to boot....
That "skinny" margarita? Uh, what was the point again?
I rode home feeling about as bloated and gassy and full and heartburn-ridden as one can imagine after consuming that type of food. I may have even rolled myself out of the car....
Sooooo not attractive. And then I started to think.....
I'm 37 years old and I am getting married! This is supposed to be a wonderful time in my life, planning for the happiest day of my life yet I'm petrified. This is NOT how I want to live the rest of my life. I have wasted so much time making excuses about what is holding me back (my #1 reason was always lack of time but my current unemployed status certainly wiped that off the list in a damn hurry). Deep down I know the ONLY thing that has been holding me back is (not so) little ol' me. No more excuses. Time to take a good hard naked (yikes) look in the mirror and put my money where my mouth is...so I can finally give my Lane Bryant credit card a permanent rest. The goal is in sight....I will be at least 90 lbs slimmer by the time my wedding rolls around. From my keyboard to God's ears....
So, it's officially day 1 of my journey that as of today has no actual ending in sight since the wedding date has yet to be set. I'm banking on it being sometime next year - anytime between May and Dec, sooner if I win the lottery. :-)
Today I've logged 2 miles on the treadmill and burned 311 calories....um, ok, baby steps.....
Tune in tomorrow for pictures and upates....
And thanks for reading!
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