If truth be told, all things considered, I think (since I have yet to weight myself) I did pretty damn good. After all, I am writing this from my living room and not a hospital bed where I could be laying from a sugar and fat induced coma had I given in to all of my food and drink lusts and desires over the duration of the long weekend. I owe a lot to J who really has my back on this weight loss thing. The support I receive from him is enough to make me cry. I say this because I don't think he was really into the idea of having to go on some totally out of the blue health kick but watching his fiance have a melt down over the fact that her pant zippers were unable to close, was enough of a catalyst to get him to jump on board, which I know isn't easy. Usually you have to have a "rock bottom" moment of your own to really want to do something about changing your body. For him, it was watching me have a break down over mine. Funny the way things work. Just seeing him switch gears has been a total inspiration. This man loves his whole milk, icing laden chocolate cake, fully loaded ice cream and syrupy sweet regular soda almost as much as he loves me and to watch him just quit it all cold turkey is quite amazing. I remember the day he swore he'd rather poke his eye out with a fork than put skim milk to his lips and here we are drinking Skim Plus as if it's the most delicious thing on the face of the Earth (which it's not by the way, but it does beat "normal" skim milk since its a little creamier and fools you into thinking it's something other than watered down moo moo juice). Coke has been replaced with either Diet Coke or water....lots and lots of water....
Before I moved in, product labels containing words like "fat free", "reduced fat" or "light" were carefully avoided by J at the grocery store - for these were evil, nasty tasting and revolting items never to be considered for human consumption as long as there was a full fat version readily available. I have to say, the guy has completely changed his tune......(I can only think I must have looked REALLY frightening in those unzipped pants).
As a treat, we now eat sorbet or Edy's Real Fruit bars instead of ice cream - or if we are feeling particularly "diety" we'll bust out the sugar free jello. These are the things we now find satisfying as desserts (and they don't even contain the words "chocolate" or "rich and creamy"). Seriously, have you ever heard anyone say that sugar free jello is "delicious"? I know I hadn't until I made the Mixed Fruit flavor and gave J a bowl the other night. You would have thought I gave him a bowl full of bananas foster with whipped cream on top (which is oh my God - touch yourself scrumptious). But back to reality - this was jello. The guy has seriously lowered his taste bud standards. But hey, whatever works, right?
The thing about weight loss is, it's about 90% mental. If you can convince yourself that you love love love to exercise and you absolutely need to do some sweat inducing form of it everyday just to be a happy camper, and that lettuce is just as tasty as a juicy steak, you'll have no problems dropping the weight...
J has far surpassed me in making that mental switch. I have made it to some degree in that I know I NEED and DESPERATELY WANT to lose the weight this time for good. In the past few weeks I have upped my activity level significantly and am making much more conscious food choices (I still struggle with portion control) and so far I am seeing snail pace progress on the scale. But the key is I FEEL better and I think that is a really important thing to note because if I was doing all of the other things mentioned and still felt like shit warmed over (which I used to most of the time), I'd say screw it and give up on this whole thing. But I am noticing an increased energy level and feel myself getting a little bit stronger and more apt to want to exercise, shin splints, creaking knees and all. In the recent past, I considered making it all the way from the kitchen to the couch while balancing a plate of nachos, a full on work out. Not anymore....
J definitely views this whole thing as a sort of mind game which is why I think he is doing so well. He can tell himself that a cup of yogurt for breakfast is filling enough and actually believe it. He's perfectly accepting of having salad every day for lunch and dinner. I, myself, need a bit more convincing. That yogurt, while good, is leaving me wanting a cheeseburger by about 9:30 AM and that doesn't work for me (especially since we have burgers in the freezer and the grill is but only a flick of the ignitor switch away from allowing me to have some flame broiled fabulousness any time I want).
J is also excellent at finding ways to sneak in exercise whereas I am not quite as ambitious to hunt down those odd little ways to burn extra calories. He weeds the yard, kayaks, mows the grass and does various other things from which I tend to stay far away. However, as planned this weekend we met out work out quota so I'm quite happy about that. We hit the tennis court for a little more than an hour (um, Serena William I am not) and I discovered a new found hobby in hitting golf balls at the driving range (it's safe to say I'm no Tiger Woods either but it's a good stress reliever, whacking those balls!). I'm not sure how many calories those activities burn in an hour but I'm willing to bet it's more than if I was just sitting on my ass drinking a beer.
Speaking of beer, in case you were wondering I had only three over the course of the entire weekend. That's one for each day and I'm going to go out on a limb and say that since turning 21, it's got to be some sort of a record of least amount of beers consumed by me over the course of a 3 day holiday weekend. Someone should really nominate me for sainthood. Go ahead...I'll wait.
J, on the other hand, has it easy because he's not a drinker. His bevvy of choice is Bud Light which is essentially tap water with a squirt of yellow food coloring in a brown glass bottle as far as I'm concerned. But the thing is - he can take it or leave it. How I ended up with a man who doesn't like to drink is still one of life's greatest mysteries but I will say it has greatly reduced my own alcohol consumption so I suppose there is something to be said for that. While alcohol is fat free, it sure as hell isn't calorie free and I used to have no problem downing 3, 4, ok, 5 beers on any given night out, in addition to consuming wings, burgers, calamari (oh how I miss you calamari!) or any other calorie packed food. Talk about treating your body like a trash can! Forget White Trash - I was the queen of Weight Trash.
I'd be lying if I said I don't miss those things. I wish I could tell you that I don't want to eat them and I prefer the salads that have replaced them - but I'm not at that stage yet. I still wish there was magic pill that removed all fat and calories from those things so that I could enjoy them freely but, alas, it'll never happen. So what's a girl with a shit ton of weight to lose to do?
For now I will just lean on those that are behind me on this and know that it's the small victories that count. Every day is a new day and with it comes temptation and challenge. But with it also comes the opportunity to do well and make myself proud when I know I tackle those challenges and win.
I have exactly one year to wage this battle of the bulge and come out victorious in time for my wedding. It will happen. And that victory will taste far better than any cheeseburger you can throw my way. That much , I know.
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