Ok...it's weigh in day and as you all know this has been a record slooooooow month for losing weight (at least it has been for me anyway). We are talking turtle pace city here people!!!! Since this is not my first diet attempt in the past 37 years, I'm a little faklempt that my body seems to have become so chummy chummy with the fat surrounding it that it's having such a hard time letting it go. Past recollections tell me that since it's the beginning of this diet, the weight should be melting off at lightening speed. Perhaps I am setting my sights too high in terms of how much I think I should be losing each week and need to set more realistic goals, but I have a nagging sense that this time around my dieting circle things are different in terms of how my body is reacting to this attack on itself. I know in the past, when I did Weight Watchers or even when I just started an exercise routine with better eating habits, the weight did tend to come off quicker in the first few weeks than it did after I'd been dieting or working out for a while. People say you sometimes hit a plateau but let's be realistic about this. I have never stuck with any one thing long enough to reach that plateau phase so that certainly can't be my excuse. My main problem in the past was that I simply ended up quitting....It became a very ugly game of lose and gain and it is ultimately what landed me at the 231 lb mark.
During previous dieting attempts, I'd lose 10 lbs and then consider it an "eating cushion" of sorts, meaning that I could now indulge "a bit" since I had dropped some weight. Can anyone explain that ef'd up way of thinking to me? After all, I knew the goal was to lose even MORE weight since obviously 10 lbs was only about 1/9th of what I needed to lose, yet I felt like I deserved some sort of reward (and idiotically decided it should be food related). It was as if I'd given myself a free 10 lbs pass to go ahead and mangia until the cows came home until, alas, those hard lost 10 lbs quite easily (and very quickly, I might add) found their way back to their old haunting grounds...my face, my arms, my stomach, my hips, my ass, my thighs, my boobs, and let us not forget that prominent "shelf area" above my ass crack that my mom likes to point out! Please understand that there are plenty of places on this body that fat likes to call home so those 10 lbs had plenty of company and were welcomed back to the 'hood with open arms. And you know what? Sometimes they even brought relatives! I guess the motto of the fat cell is "the more the merrier"......
So, you can understand my trepidation getting on the scale this morning. Doing it pre-BM wasn't even an option. I was that scared....
Last week's popcorn debacle was still looming large in my mind as I gingerly stepped on Old Sonofabitch this morning. This is the name I have given to my scale, and it's quite apropos since it's usually the first thing that pops out of my mouth when I get on it and see the number staring back at me. But as I took a deep breath, and exhaled slowly, I recalled the past week's eating habits, with holiday weekend and all, and honestly, I wasn't overly worried. After all, I didn't hit up any McDonald's or Burger King while out driving nor was there a visit to Dunkin' Donuts - not even for coffee (because once I get inside and see and smell those Vanilla Creme Beauties, it's all over). About the only real indulgence I had this week was a bagel at Panera Bread (yes, with cream cheese - sue me) because I was in such a rush getting out of the house to prevent Sam, our Belgian shepherd from trying to chew my leg off because I was leaving him (incidentally, I think he may have some issues), that I forgot to pack a snack to eat before class. And I was starving....
Again let me remind you - it could have been the warm familiar open and loving arms of the golden arches that I ran to....but I didn't. Although now that I think about it, I should probably do a caloric comparison of a Panera Asiago Cheese bagel with a side of cream cheese to a Mickey D's 2 cheeseburger value meal......they actually may come out disgustingly close to one another.
Oh well, bygones...nothing I can do about it now.
Anyway, I digress. Back to the scale....
As I got on Old Sonofabitch and let out my breath....he gave me some news. I don't know if I'd call it great news...but it was good news, meaning it was a loss, so I will take it. But seriously folks, allow me to reiterate if I may....this process is sloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow.
The scale read 225.4 today.....to say it's creeping along is an understatement, but at least this week, it's in the right direction. I can either look at it as a 2.2 lb loss or I can just conclude that my body has finally recovered from Orville Redenbacher's sodium wrath from last week. Either way, beggar's can't be choosers so the 2.2 loss is a victory no matter how you look at it. It's been 3 weeks and 2 days since I started this plan to unveil the new and improved me, and so far my total loss is 5.8 lbs (since starting May 6). Keeping with this rate I could potentially lose about 69.6 lbs before the end of next May which is my prospective wedding date timeline. That would still leave me about 20 lbs from my goal, but it certainly is something I could live with! Let's be honest - if I lose that much weight by next year, I would feel like a freaking rock star - no two ways about it!
Admittedly, my heart is a little crushed that I can't be dropping numbers like the Biggest Loser contestants. But my mind tells me that I need to get my head out of my reality TV watching ass and be happy that I am finally owning up to this problem and determined to beat it on my own, no matter how slow the process may be. The trick is to stay with it and keep up that steady determination, ESPECIALLY when the scale doesn't hand me quite the news I'd like to receive. It's so very very easy to give up and quit. I know because I've done it - more than a few times.
The real challenge is hanging in and marching forward when the road ahead looks uninviting and unpredictable. For me, that's truly been the road less traveled.
My internal GPS is telling me to take that road anyway ......and I think this time I'll follow it's directions.
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