Blame it on the rain...

Big surprise - it's raining again.
And the forecast for the next 10 days is completely disgusting. Rain, rain and more rain. Seriously Mother Nature? Enough already. My backyard is turning into a small pond.

If warm weather and sunny days don't get here soon, I am going to invest in one of those Vitamin D lamps people use when they have seasonal depression. This is just ridiculous.

It's a good thing then, I guess, that Josh and I got out for our morning 3-miler relatively early. There were a few rain drops here and there as we plodded along but now it's more of a steady drizzle and by later tonight and tomorrow we are supposed to have some severe thunderstorms and rain all day, so I think it's safe to say there will be no outside activity for the next day or two. And the following 6 or so days after that don't look very promising either.

On one hand, it makes doing homework less annoying (sort of) because I don't feel like I am missing out on sun and warmth and fresh air when I can't be outside, and am instead chained to my lap top. But it has been a long winter filled with many days in front of the computer screen and frankly, I'm freaking sick of it.

Of course I could be working out indoors with any one of our various exercise machines or various other work-out equipment....You name it, we have it. Recumbent bike - check! Treadmill - check! Elliptical Machine - check! Hand weights - check! Resistance bands - check! Workout DVDs - check! And in the attic we are additionally housing an Ab Roller, a Total Gym (although it is the first version of such and is made of metal and rather archaic), a rowing machine and Lord knows what else. Oh - an my yoga mat? That's still up there somewhere, too...

So, rain or no rain, I have absolutely no excuse not to be burning calories (other than arthritic knees that are hating the damp weather).

Yet...here I sit.

But, not for long, I promise. I just finished making a big vat of chili and in the process, also got to the bottom of my seemingly endless smoothie. (Big winner today - vanilla and strawberry! My favorite so far. I think what I love the most about these things is that I get in 2-3 servings of fruit in one shake and it doesn't even feel like it). So now I have until about 2:00 until I have to get ready for class. Time to work that ass.

I mentioned in one of my recent posts that I realize I am not pushing myself - and that is true. I still don't know that this time around in the quest to lose weight that I have fully wrapped my head around DOING IT - despite my written words trying to convince myself that I have it all figured out and I'm all, "I am Woman - Hear Me Roar!" Not really "feeling it" is an emotion that scares me and makes me feel that I am not in it to win it - and I know from past experience that this mind set leads to total failure. Not that I have to be all or nothing (my usual mojo) but I have to at least BELIEVE that I am going to try my very best to get healthy. Right now I just feel kind of lazy and I hate it. I spend my time doing other stupid things (have you played Text Twist??? It's addictive) instead of working out. This is not a recipe for weight loss, my friends - it is a fucking concoction for disaster.

I wish I knew what the breaking point has to be - I mean I have so many reasons why I need to lose weight - and why I want to lose it. But I also know that you have to be in a proper frame of mind that makes you believe in yourself 110% and above all else you are determined to be successful. You have to feel the power, desire and burning passion to get in shape. It has to be a commitment - not an on again, off again relationship. In other words, this is not something to be approached half-assed. I'd love to blame it on the rain (as would Milli Vanilli, no doubt), however, I think this lethargy stems from something much deeper and it worries me terribly. I know taking baby steps is OK.....but baby steps isn't going to make the scale move the way I want it to - so I need to do something more.

Yes, a 3 mile walk is good - but I need to move past that. Find something I really enjoy that is fun and doesn't feel like a chore......or kill my knees. If only chewing burned calories the way jogging does - would any of of us be in this situation? Anyway, sitting here writing about it isn't doing me any favors either so I may as well get up and get moving....at least that is a step in the right direction.

"Desire is the starting point of all achievement, not a hope, not a wish, but a keen pulsating desire which transcends everything."

~Napoleon Hill~